If I could change brains, I would. In a heart beat. I even asked the big man upstairs (good ol’ Jesus himself) to switch me over and make me into a man since men don’t really have feelings and can switch their brains off whenever they feel like it, but that didn’t work out so well. As you can see…I’m still here… with a vagina…. in between my legs. I hate it. Wait, let me clarify. I don’t hate my vagina. I love it actually. I hate the brain that comes along with having a vagina. So yea, here I am over-thinking as usual. Typical day for the life of a mad woman. I bet you want to know what I’m over- thinking about this time huh? Well…. *wink* im not so sure I want to share that just yet.
(twenty minutes later) Fugg it. Here’s some self-therapy that I’m going to do inside my diary that my therapist said should help, ill dive deep into my over-thinking thoughts…..no filter so consider this your fair warning.
thought #1- People are assholes. Why are people so fucking stupid? Seriously. Ignorance and stupidity are NOT my best friends. Take driving for example….there’s an idiot jack ass who decides his shit doesn’t stink and takes up all the space in the world. Both lanes as a matter of fact. Dude, drive in your own fucking lane and stay out the fuck of mine. You don’t need two WHOLE lanes buddy. With your dumb blue tooth attached to your dumb ear with your perfectly creased up shirt that your wife (that you have been cheating on for the past six months with your secretary) did for you so cheerfully this morning. Get the fugg out of here with that bullshit. Or how about jackass #2…drive the fucking speed limit stupid. Honestly, is it THAT complicated? It’s like a 40 mile per hour zone…you cut in front of me and drive 20? What. The. Fuck? Fa’ real tho. On a good day, that might bother me a liiiiiittle bit to where I cuss behind the wheel and nobody knows what I’m saying but myself. However, catch me on an even better day when the polar bears are out (I refer to myself as a polar bear when I swear I’m acting bi polar) and I’m totally ready for war. Bring it motherfucker.
Or even just interacting with people inside a grocery store. Like do you really need to bump into my cart and keep walking like I don’t exist? Um…okay? Dick. Or that one person that can simply stay in their 15 items or less line with their one dumb item but decides to jump over to my lane because they see I’m the next one to be checked out and can somehow read my mind knowing I’m going to let them pass because my cart is overflowing and that’s just the right thing to do. Standing there all innocent looking and shit. Fuck man! Yes, I let them and their stupid gallon of milk go ahead of me! Ugh. I know they do that shit on purpose! I swear one of these days I’m not even going to look behind me and just not give a shit for ONE day. But yea right…problem is I do give a shit and I’m not an asshole so ill continue to let these sneaky bastards keep cutting in front of me.
Then there’s that lady at the bar. The lady that should be at home with her husband and grandkids but instead out trying to pick up on dudes that just developed into puberity with v-neck shirts and pants so tight not even their balls can breathe just because their husbands at home pays no attention to them or their saggy tits. You know what I’m talking about. Typical Orange County
thought #2- I wish I had a whores body. When I say whore, I don’t mean a chick whose private parts looks like over chewed roast beef and who sells her ass to big sweaty fat guys on the boulevard. Whores to me are chicks that are super hot with super nice bodies. So have I had a whores body I doubt my stupid little heart wouldn’t be so damn fragile. I know for a damn FACT I wouldn’t give two shits about any Tom, Dick or Harry that could give two shits about me. Then again…do I really want a whores body? This is where my over-thinking and self therapy comes into play. I highly doubt I would have the same personality and same heart as I do now. I would be so caught up in this superficial world only giving a shit about myself that the rest of the world wouldn’t matter. So you know what, I take that back. Fuck having a whores body. I want my body….buuuuut, I do want to clean it up a bit. Not for Tom…not for Dick…and certainly not for Harry. Just for plain ol’ me. Maybe then I wouldn’t care so much about the whole dating scene….which brings me to my next dumb thought…. *sigh*
thought#3 boys Once again. are stupid. Or maybe I’m stupid. Ugh, I’m not stupid. My brain is the one that’s stupid. I’m not even going to get on this subject too deep because I don’t have the energy. All I know is my heart is almost sinking to my stomach like an anchor and I would love for someone to reel it back up on this ship where it belongs. I don’t even know why I care so much but I do. Yes, I know…its lame. But I’m ‘that girl’ remember? And changing from ‘that girl’ to ‘this girl’ is definitely going to take some time. I just want it to happen already. I want to be ‘this girl’ that doesn’t think five hundred times about whether or not if this dude likes her or not. I totally want to be this girl that goes with the flow and is super chill. Ugh. I need to start smoking weed. Yea right. I wont do that either. I need a miracle is what I need.
Thought #4 feeling much better My therapist was right. Writing all my thoughts down totally made me feel sooo much better. I went from feeling super tense and wanting to punch someones lights out to calm and very relaxed to the point where I can fall asleep. My face is no longer hard and rough but instead soft and inviting. I feel warm again and all it took was forever on the computer and realizing how silly everything is. I go back and I just laugh at all the dumb shit I just wrote. I swear I was a comedian in my past life. Don’t be surprised if you see me on tv five years from now with a mic in my hand talking about my crazy life.
Peace out homes.
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