Houston....we have a problem..



Nobody ever told me raising a child would be this hard. I’ve gone through almost every stage and it.just.keeps.getting.harder.and.harder. and harder. Kids don’t come with instructions and man how I wish they did.  

Ive gone through what almost every parent goes through: newborn stage, preschool, kindergarten, elementary, broken bones, periods, boys, heartbreak, etc.  Time is ridiculously fast. We don’t realize it but it is.  Before you know it you blink and your baby girl is this person who is developing into a young woman with opinions, bras and going into seventh grade.  How did we end up here?  Seriously. How? Just yesterday she still loved me and would cuddle right next to me and let me hold her for hours.  Today? Not so much.  What changed?  All I know is I miss that. I miss being her entire world just as she is mine.   

My daughter is now twelve and just last night she went snooping around in my phone.  I didn’t find out until this morning when I got a text from a certain somebody asking me what the hell was going on. He explains that he received a text message saying ‘if you ever touch my mom again I will beat the crap out of you’.  Oh boy. Not only am I pissed but im fucking embarrassed and disappointed. And trust me, all these feelings are an understatement. My blood was fuming through the roof and my heart is broken.  Seriously, what is going through this child’s mind to where she thinks doing something like this is okay? I want answers. I want explanations. I want inside her brain to know exactly what she was thinking.  Then it hits me. Its not her, its me.  Yup…and now the  self doubt and second guessing myself as a parent is in full effect. It’s not a good feeling. At all.  It sucks and I wish someone out there had answers for me.  Apparently what I have been doing the last twelve years hasn’t worked and its time we start doing something different. I refuse to let my daughter grow up being an asshole and treating people like shit. That’s not how I want my kids to grow up. Fuck that.  Of course thinking of a new game plan is going to take time, so until then my overthinking brain is on full speed and her ipod as well as her phone is gone, for how long? Who flippin knows....but what I do know Independence and freedom is a privilege and earned;  she has a shit ton of making up to do. As well as some es’plaining.    

If anyone is reading this….please pray to whichever god you believe in so hopefully he, she, or it can give me enough strength…. because we all know this is only the beginning.   

Yours Truly,

Steena